


Regret

by HQuinn



Series: Gifts [5]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: F/M, Longing, Lost Love, Regret, Reunions, Viscount(ess) Hawke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-02
Updated: 2017-01-02
Packaged: 2018-09-14 08:45:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9171661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HQuinn/pseuds/HQuinn
Summary: He'd betrayed her trust, and Hawke had banished him from Kirkwall in response.Now, years later, she regrets that decision as she pines away in Kirkwall without him.Then she comes across a cave near the Anderfels border.Thank youTurboNerdfor being my beta again.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Coryphefish](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Coryphefish/gifts).



> Prize for a contest in the Anders' Kittens FB Group

Marian sat at her desk drumming her fingers on it. Being Viscount wasn’t nearly as exciting as Champion. Somehow meetings with dignitaries didn’t hold the same thrill as cutting down bandits at the docks. But those days were now long behind her. Most of her friends had scattered after what was now referred to as “The Incident”. Isabella left on a ship bound for Antiva, Fenris leaving with her. Aveline and Donnic moved to Orlais, deciding Kirkwall was no place to raise a family. Varric was still around, and she cherished his friendship. Merrill had gone off in search of more scary possessed mirrors. And Anders...well she had no idea where he was. After “The Incident” she sent him packing, so angry that he had lied to her and used her to get ingredients for his bomb. She loved him too much to kill him, despite Sebastian’s angry words and insistence that he pay for his crimes. She just couldn’t do it. She had loved Anders for too long, so instead she banished him. At the time she was too angry, thought she hated him. But now...now she’d trade anything just to see his smile one more time, to feel his arms around her. She had no one to blame but herself for her broken heart.

A knock at the door pulled her from her thoughts. She looked up to see Varric entering the room.

“You look contemplative, Hawke. Strange look for you.” Varric teased as he plopped into one of the chairs in front of her desk.

“Varric,” Marian gave her best friend a warm smile. “To what do I owe the honor of you walking up all those stairs on your little legs to get here.”

Varric chuckled. “Two reasons. First is I bring news from Curly. The second is because I thought you could use company for dinner tonight.”

“The Hanged Man serving nug stew again?” She guessed.

Varric shivered and nodded. “So what say you, help out a poor starving dwarf.”

“You haven’t been poor or starving in many years, Varric.” Marian shook her head. “But I wouldn’t say no to the company either. What’s this news?”

“He said he has someone you need to meet. So you busy Hawke, or are you up to a trip to the Gallows?” Varric asked.

“Please. Lead the way.” She was grateful to be out of the office. Boredom had been driving her up the wall.

*** 

They entered Cullen’s office to find him talking with an elf in Warden gear. Hawke noticed they were standing a little closer then was probably appropriate, and that Cullen appeared to be blushing.

Varric coughed to let them know they were no longer alone. The Warden and Cullen stepped away from each other.

“Oh, Hawke, good.” Cullen rubbed the back of his neck. “Allow me to introduce you to Neria Surana, Warden Commander of Ferelden. Neria, Lady Marian Hawke, Viscountess of Kirkwall.”

Marian’s eyes grew wide.  _ The bloody Hero of Ferelden! _ Varric elbowed her with a chuckle, restarting her brain. Marian held out her hand, “It’s a pleasure Commander. Please, call me Hawke.”

“Hawke. I am happy to meet you. I could use your help, but it would require you to leave your position as Viscountess.” Neria shook the offered hand.

“I’m in.” Hawke answered quickly.

Neria laughed. “Politics not as exciting as you hoped?”

“Not even close. What do you need?”

“I’m on a mission for the Wardens. I’m searching for ancient texts near the Hunterhorn Mountains, along the Anderfels border. It’s too risky that I’d be recognized so I can’t make the trek. The fate of the Wardens themselves depend on this. Can I count on your help?”

“Yes. My brother is a Warden, if it can help him, then absolutely.” Hawke nodded.

Neria then pulled out maps on Cullen’s desk. Hawke noticed more than once the casual, familiar touches between her and Cullen as they spoke. It made her miss Anders once again. Neria detailed how there was texts that detailed a cure to the Calling. Wardens were never intended to have a death sentence, but somewhere along the way, the cure was lost, fating Wardens to a shorter life span.

A week later saw Hawke bidding farewell to Varric and her home, and she was on her mission hoping that it would distract her broken heart.

*** 

Hawke trudged through the mountain snow. What was she thinking? She could have been in Kirkwall where it was warm, and risk of being eaten by a wolf was far less than it was now. She could be on a ship with Isabela sailing to warm climates. She could be sitting in an office bored out of her skull. Ok, maybe that last one wasn’t as enticing.

Somewhere off in the distance a wolf howled and the wind picked up. Hawke wrapped her cloak tighter around her. She was able to find the text that the Warden Commander had been looking for. Now it was just a matter of getting it back to Kirkwall before she became some animal’s dinner.

The wind kicked up more, causing the newly fallen snow to kick up into the air. The snow also made movement slow. She needed to find somewhere to sleep the night off and get out of the cold as the temperature continued to drop.

Up ahead she spotted a cave, hopefully a cave without a bear. Finally reaching the cave mouth, she let out a sigh of relief as she stepped out of the wind. Hawke lit a torch from her pack to see better and, deciding she heard no sounds of bears, she moved further into the cave. About twenty feet in, the cave opened into a large room of sorts. The doused fire told her someone had been there once, but there appeared to be no signs of the previous resident. Hawke dropped her pack on the ground, groaning at the relief to her sore muscles. There appeared to be enough wood around the old fire to start a new one, hopefully enough to get through the night.

Hawke gathered the pieces and cast fire, plopping on the ground once the fire started. She held her hands out, warming them by the fire. Closing her eyes, she could recall sitting around fires like this so many years ago. Fenris and Anders bickering about mage rights while Varric scribbled frantically into his book for the book he would one day write. She wished she had appreciated those days more, that she had realized that one day she’d remember them fondly and wish for those companions again.

A noise in the cave drew her attention and she whipped up quickly, ready to fight whatever beast appeared. She drew her sword in front of her, both hands on the hilt.

“What are you doing in my cave?” A man’s voice growled low. “Leave now.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know this was occupied, I only wanted to find shelter from the storm. I have rations I could share if you allowed me to stay just the night.” Hawke kept her voice steady as she tried to see who it was that had spoken but she could only make out a shadow in the dark.

“You will leave now,” He spoke, lightning crackling at his fingertips. A mage then. Hawke readied her stance, prepared to fight as the man stepped into the firelight.

Her sword dropped to the ground with a loud clang when she saw him. He wore pelts, long unkempt hair, and a beard covering most of his face. But those eyes...she knew those eyes. They were the same ones she saw in her dreams every night. Her voice wavered as she spoke. “Anders?”

His hands continued to spark as he looked at her. She watched him with tears forming in her eyes. He was alive, somehow he was alive. His eyes continued to look over her face, recognition slowly appearing. “Marian?” His voice was soft.

Hawke nodded, tears now flowing freely down her face. Two quick strides later he was standing in front of her. A shaky hand reaching up to touch her cheek. She leaned into his touch, closing her eyes. Chapped lips touched hers and she melted into the kiss. A kiss she never thought she’d have again. Her arms wrapped around his torso as he continued to kiss her.  His thumb brushed away the tears as he held her face.

Anders pulled away just enough to press his forehead to hers. Their eyes closed, just taking in the scent of each other. Her right hand moved around his back, running along his chest, upwards. Along his neck, to his face. She started to giggle then.

“Marian?” He asked, pulling his forehead away to look down at her.

“You have a beard. It’s just...it’s strange.” Marian leaned up and kissed his nose.

Anders smirked at her. “There’s hardly time for shaving while on the run, sweetheart. And it helps keep from being recognized.”

“I’d recognize you anywhere.” Marian replied softly, her hand running along his cheek as she smiled softly at him. Tears started to well up in her face once more. Maybe she was actually passed out, the snow covering her as she was dying. That seemed more likely then that he was really here, really in her arms. Her heart felt like bursting through her chest. Anders.  _ Her Anders. _ “I’d know these eyes anywhere.”

“How did you find me, love?” Anders asked. His hands running along her arms as he looked into her eyes.

“I didn’t.” She shook her head. “I didn’t even know...Maker Anders, I’ve cried myself to sleep every night these last two years. I should never have sent you away. Or I should have gone with you. Please, forgive me.”

Anders chuckled. “Marian, my sweet Marian. I start a war and you ask  _ me _ to forgive  _ you _ . My beloved, you never have to ask for that. I love you. That you are here, in my arms...it’s more than I could have hoped for.  I’ve dreamed of nothing but you since that day. ”

Anders sat on a ledge, a seat of sorts, pulling her into his lap. His fingers ran through her hair, as if memorizing her again. “Marian.” He whispered her name again. Anders laid his head along her chest, his arms wrapping around her as he held her close. “I am sorry. Sorry for having lied to you about my plans, I’m sorry for putting you and the others at risk. I thought I was doing what was best, protecting you. But when I saw how you looked at me that day, I destroyed my own heart.”

“I love you, you stupid mage.” Marian gently tilted his head up and kissed him again. “Please, can we just move past that, just be  _ us _ again? I miss falling asleep in your arms, I miss your kiss, your laugh, your smile. I miss that smile most of all.”

“Yes. Maker yes.” He rested his head along her chest again, his breathing told her he was also feeling the same overwhelming sense of relief being in her arms as she felt holding him.

“I still have a mission to fulfill. Will you...will you come with me? When it’s done, you and I, we can find somewhere quiet, where it can finally just be us.” She asked as he wiped away the tears on her cheek yet again.

“Anywhere.” Anders whispered against her lips and kissed her once more.


End file.
